Following the checkered stairs down a Rabbit Hole

I had the shortest interview of my life today.

I'm not kidding, it lasted less than fifteen minutes. And the oddest part about the whole thing is that I actually got the job.

Which raised my doubts almost immediately. I know I reside slightly on the more paranoid side of things (I am my father's daughter) but I just can't help but wonder.. why me?

(bet you haven't heard that  question before)

Are they strapped for people that badly? Maybe they're just careless? Maybe they really have no clue how to hold an interview and were just winging it?

I was asked maybe 3 pertinent questions about the place, and the rest was just small talk. One of the owners kept stating things he said 'really showed his age' but I swear he looked 30 at most. That also makes me wonder how old they thought I was. I mean, I just came from volunteering at Festival Du Voyageur (for any non-Winnipeggers its a yearly festival held in February that celebrates French Canadian culture and tradition) dressed like a lumberjack of sorts, and face paint all over my arms, not to mention on my face. I hadn't washed my hair in a few days, and stuck it under a toque, and on top of that wore my bulky winter jacket.

I definitely wasn't quite the looker upon first impression. And also taking into consideration that I, a 25 year old woman, have often been mistaken for a 17 year old girl.

But I digress.

I do have over six years of serving experience. And good references. And a good work ethic. Even if they want to start me off as a host and a busser, I'm wondering if I should take the leap. I'm not sure what kind of ripple this will make in my life, but maybe that's a good thing? Maybe I just have to go with it?

There are so many things I need to figure out, and this just confirms how much I dislike being thrown into things without having the necessary information. As hard as I try to 'go with the flow' sometimes, I know in my heart that I lean towards the neurotic, organised, controlled-environment personality type. I mean, I'm free spirited, and love having my own schedule, and an odd slightly-messy-but-organized thing going on, but I can't deny my nature (believe me, I've tried).

Another thing that's led me here, however, is realizing my self worth, and how much I tend to not factor that in. 

Yeah, so maybe I looked like an innocent grunge-do-gooder that was a tad socially awkward. Maybe they saw genuinity, honesty, and kindness. Maybe they saw a good worker, with a good resume, someone intelligent and eager to learn. Maybe they just went off my 'vibe'.

Nevertheless, self worth is incredibly important. I can recount every single time today that I put myself down.

When I had to paint a picture on a child's face and I had no idea how to draw their request, I doubted myself. I doubted if I was good enough. 

When a fellow volunteer received horrible news, and began to cry, I scolded myself for not being empathetic enough, and not being able to do anything for her.

When I drove to the wrong building for the interview, I mentally kicked myself for looking dumb and lost on my first impression.

When I went to my French tutoring session, I doubted my knowledge and my skills, and if I actually could help someone learn an entire language.

I can go on and on, tracing as far back as my childhood. and I bet others can too. We do this to ourselves unnecessarily, and all it does is bring us down. We need to change that.

Think about what you are proud of today. Think about the accomplishments. Think about new opportunities--  Think and make change.

EOTD 

This is where we turn the doubtful thoughts into progressive thinking. Every time you are unsure of your skill set, or your knowledge, or yourself in any way, think of it differently.

When I had a new child come to get something face painted, I told myself in my mind that whatever I drew for them, it would turn out amazing.

I also made them proud of themselves for sitting perfectly still, and listened to all their stories and things they did, and I made them feel special.

When that fellow volunteer began to cry, and I was beating myself up for not being good enough, I decided to act; I asked them questions, I kept them talking. I made sure they knew we were all listening.

When I was at my tutor session, I admitted to mistakes, and always confirmed by searching the Internet or looking at the textbooks; I was honest, and I told myself that no matter what, just being there and speaking french was helping my student.

This is your mission today; act on your doubts. If it worries you in the slightest, do it. If you get exasperated with yourself. Change the outcome; if you hate yourself for not acting; then act. Use it to fuel your true intentions, and make that regretful action into something you won't forget.

I walked through a black door into an odd, different world today. I'm almost convinced I traveled into another dimension, an alternate reality; or even just traveled in time.

Maybe that fifteen minutes was a whole lifetime; by the time I got out, I felt... different.

things are changing. Stay tuned.

and to answer that age old question:

Why not you?