She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans
Today was insightful to say the least. Upon speaking to some family members I discovered that I blame a lot of things on 'them' and 'they'. Whenever I have some negative thought, or memory or recollection of something bad someones told me, I always lump it all into a vague 'they'.
When I recall a negative memory, I always remember what was said and not who said it, resulting in this monstrous conglomerate of negative emotions all channeling from one cohesive 'they' figure that overshadows my thoughts and brings me down.
"They all keep telling me my fingers will never heal"
"They kept making fun of the bumper stickers on my car"
"They wont let me decide for myself!"
In the end, my friends and family and colleagues tend to ask me the obvious follow up question: "Well who said that?!" and my response always stutters a bit, because I have to think for a moment.
"Well, they. Them. People."
And then I realized - It's just another way that I'm holding on to my bitterness and my anger. At every instance of unfairness in my life I've kept a piece to remember, a sentence or a jarring remark, in order for me to keep rubbing it in my already wounded esteem. I use those words against myself, as if my Ego had learnt it from the outside world, and now likes to play with me, toying with new ways to taunt those same ideas.
"Well you're fingers will never heal, that's what the professionals keep telling you"
"You were quite reckless to put bumper stickers on a new car"
"Do you even know what good for yourself? maybe you should listen to others because they know you more"
and then the guilt arrives, and shame, and bitterness and self hatred. As usual.
And I think its time I walk away.
Its time I change the way I think. Where the automatic response is to remember a negative memory, the choice is now to purposefully focus on the positive impacts of my life.
"If I believe my fingers will heal, that's all the motivation I need"
"I'm proud of my car being unique, and not just another white car in the crowd; like me"
"Choice is our greatest right, our greatest gift, and our greatest responsibility" (As quoted by Lilac Leroux in Their Fractured Light by Amie Kaufman/Meagan Spooner)
Shortly after my musings I began to talk about losing weight with my friend, and she mentioned Yoga. I followed up with explaining that the problem for me was the motivation. and then she said the magic words
"I challenge you to do Yoga every day this week"
and I accepted in that moment, but was unsure of how things would unroll, given my busy lifestyle, but I entertained the possibility.
And so, I went along with my day, shopping for groceries, going out for supper, going home and feeding the cats, putting away all my things, and suddenly found myself sitting on the couch, finally having a real moment to myself.
And so I searched YouTube for a Yoga session, and without a yoga mat, still in my jeans, I shucked off my sock and killed my abs.
And it felt good :)
EOTD
Have a busy schedule? Crazy one? One that's all over the place and irregular? Perfect!
Do some browsing on YouTube, there are hundreds of Yoga challenge videos, varying in length and difficulty - pick the one that either best suits your needs, or the one that just catches you eye.
And this is the trick - as soon as the video starts playing - you're on. Doesn't matter where you are, or what you're wearing, or what equipment you have. all you need is yourself and your determination to start something.
The hardest thing to do is to start, and now that the first step is over- well, you just proved to yourself that you can do it, so there's no way we can stop now!
we'll show them how amazing we can be :)
When I recall a negative memory, I always remember what was said and not who said it, resulting in this monstrous conglomerate of negative emotions all channeling from one cohesive 'they' figure that overshadows my thoughts and brings me down.
"They all keep telling me my fingers will never heal"
"They kept making fun of the bumper stickers on my car"
"They wont let me decide for myself!"
In the end, my friends and family and colleagues tend to ask me the obvious follow up question: "Well who said that?!" and my response always stutters a bit, because I have to think for a moment.
"Well, they. Them. People."
And then I realized - It's just another way that I'm holding on to my bitterness and my anger. At every instance of unfairness in my life I've kept a piece to remember, a sentence or a jarring remark, in order for me to keep rubbing it in my already wounded esteem. I use those words against myself, as if my Ego had learnt it from the outside world, and now likes to play with me, toying with new ways to taunt those same ideas.
"Well you're fingers will never heal, that's what the professionals keep telling you"
"You were quite reckless to put bumper stickers on a new car"
"Do you even know what good for yourself? maybe you should listen to others because they know you more"
and then the guilt arrives, and shame, and bitterness and self hatred. As usual.
And I think its time I walk away.
Its time I change the way I think. Where the automatic response is to remember a negative memory, the choice is now to purposefully focus on the positive impacts of my life.
"If I believe my fingers will heal, that's all the motivation I need"
"I'm proud of my car being unique, and not just another white car in the crowd; like me"
"Choice is our greatest right, our greatest gift, and our greatest responsibility" (As quoted by Lilac Leroux in Their Fractured Light by Amie Kaufman/Meagan Spooner)
Shortly after my musings I began to talk about losing weight with my friend, and she mentioned Yoga. I followed up with explaining that the problem for me was the motivation. and then she said the magic words
"I challenge you to do Yoga every day this week"
and I accepted in that moment, but was unsure of how things would unroll, given my busy lifestyle, but I entertained the possibility.
And so, I went along with my day, shopping for groceries, going out for supper, going home and feeding the cats, putting away all my things, and suddenly found myself sitting on the couch, finally having a real moment to myself.
And so I searched YouTube for a Yoga session, and without a yoga mat, still in my jeans, I shucked off my sock and killed my abs.
And it felt good :)
EOTD
Have a busy schedule? Crazy one? One that's all over the place and irregular? Perfect!
Do some browsing on YouTube, there are hundreds of Yoga challenge videos, varying in length and difficulty - pick the one that either best suits your needs, or the one that just catches you eye.
And this is the trick - as soon as the video starts playing - you're on. Doesn't matter where you are, or what you're wearing, or what equipment you have. all you need is yourself and your determination to start something.
The hardest thing to do is to start, and now that the first step is over- well, you just proved to yourself that you can do it, so there's no way we can stop now!
we'll show them how amazing we can be :)
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